I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
