apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
