if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize