omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I look better un-naked...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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