I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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