just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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