The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
