Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
