I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
