1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
