i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
