Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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