I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
