i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize