I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
