I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
