I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
