OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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