I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
