My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
