I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
two words: eviction party
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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