His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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