We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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