So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
