Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize