i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
