Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
