well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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