Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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