he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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