So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i can't believe i had my finger in that
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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