Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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