Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
