If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
