I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We are all done wearing pants today
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
