Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
