yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize