found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
