I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
