We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
