the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
