I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
