awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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