"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
