It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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