I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
