Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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