Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
