Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
