A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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