it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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