She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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