I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How's work?
Spinning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
