My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
