His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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