nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
