It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
