Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
