I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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