and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
