I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
be right there i have to get my cape
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
