Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
