Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
