I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
