I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize