I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
