I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
