eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
