cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
